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XxxSudden-DeathxxX's Profile Picture
God is not a humanist.
Artist | Professional | Varied
I'm Alex from freezer called Finland. Born in -92, vegetarian and androgynous not-so-little walker of on earth.

I love multiply fandoms (Game of Thrones, Hetalia, Supernatural, Bakemonogatari etc.), and Asian horror is my love.
I have been told that I should buy a filter for my mouth (for I say before think).

If you want to know more then just ask :3

Around internet;

Current Residence: Finland
Favourite genre of music: J-rock
Favourite style of art: anything that looks good to me, BUT I have one idol and she is Aki Akane
Favourite cartoon character: Many, too many :'D

:iconropenplz: :iconpcopenplz: :iconcopenplz:
It's time for Alex ramble! Grab your seats and relax.

Today I felt like ranting about my feels of selling yourself as an artist.

For long I didn't mind that I had only few followers. I drew for myself and never really gave any thoughts that I could gain something from it. It was just something I really enjoyed doing.
Then everything changed when I graduated. Most of my friends got at least some kind of freelance works, tattooing or just something that had something to do with graphic design. Me? Stuck on practical nurse job that I hate.
Suddenly everything started to matter.
Why I only have this and this many followers? Why I don't get more comments/favorites/views? Isn't my best enough?

And in time I found myself with question of; How.
How could I make a change?

Of course I always strive for my best and I try to learn new things on daily bases. I draw everyday, keep my comic blog alive etc... But still not enough. Then I came with idea to expand my internet territory to Tumblr. I gained few followers and new comic blog readers. But still on minimum scale...

Self loathing came back to me hard. Thoughts plaguing my mind like; I'm a shitty drawer/designer. Everyone of my friends just compliment me on pity. I have no future as a artist much less a tattoo artist... Maybe I am doomed to work as a practical nurse until I kill myself.

I started to feel that I'm not allowed to have these thoughts. They are too selfish. 
And selfish is a bad thing right? Cornerstone of my upbringing was that I am not allowed to be selfish. Don't ask for anything or you will loose everything, cry for attention and you will get beaten, children should be seen, but not heard...

But I sucked it up again and decided to do some research. I started from the artists/friends that I know are more known that me. How and why are they so popular? Of course there was the obvious thing that they are so damn good but I noticed that most of them drew fan art. That could not be the only reason (thou good idea) so it was time for googling. And the answer was like a slap to my face.

"Every artist HAS to advertise themselves shamelessly!"

:iconkotetsushockplz: Shit...

For a person who likes cosplay I REALLY hate the attention I get from it. Well not exactly hate, but I get embarrassed so easily. Every time someone random comes to ask for picture (or worst of all gives compliments) I would give everything for the ability of vanishing from the spot. And when some random person started commenting my comic blog? I was blown away that someone that I don't know reads my comic blog!? :iconmonkeyshockplz:
So the thought that I should start pushing myself to others? How about :iconnopenopenopeplz:

I kind of dismissed that thought all together. I just started to draw more fan art and publishing more often. Just hoping that would be enough and lady luck would help me.

[insert signboard that reads "few months later"]

Apparently all of my luck is centralized only on staying alive 'cos no changes. And my patience is running low. Working at my workplace has damaged my mental health so badly that I have lost few close friends because of it. So I decided that I will do ANYTHING to get to where I want. It will take time, but at the meantime I will do my best!

I will start drawing more
I will get those tattoo machines as soon as possible
I will start looking for graphic design jobs even if it means that I have to move
I will start advertising myself even if it means getting panic attacks

All of this even if I get the reputation of being selfish, pushy, annoying or horrible person!!

IT'S ON! :iconsusanooangryplz:

:iconcopenplz: :iconpcopenplz: :iconropenplz:
  • Mood: Zeal
  • Listening to: Sick of it - Skillet
  • Reading: one thousand and one nights
  • Watching: Gintama
  • Drinking: Monster

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Hero-Baka Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
Kiitokset favesta! 8D
XxxSudden-DeathxxX Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
I thought we were past the formalities~~
Hero-Baka Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014
Niinkö luulit XD tästä tavasta tuskin pääsen koskaan yli
XxxSudden-DeathxxX Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
Mä luulin että oltiin jo kavereita ees!:iconkittanmanlytearsplz:
Ja että tiedät kuinka henkisesti favorittaan kaikkia su kuvia~ 
(1 Reply)
IlluminatedTears Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nee nee onee-chan, ookko Traconii tänä vuonna tulossa x3 ?
XxxSudden-DeathxxX Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Professional General Artist
Oh you~ It's not onee-chan. Aniki or Alex-sama is sufficient :iconsatoshismileplz:
Mut kyllä. Meikä on taas keikaroimassa kyseisessä tapahtumassa :3
IlluminatedTears Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
'-' butbut....

Heiheiheiii sako tulla halimaan :3 ?
XxxSudden-DeathxxX Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  Professional General Artist
:icondojimathumbsupplz2: Tämä käy (jos kerta tunnistaa).
Kunhan ei glomppaa~ Tuun oletettavimmin sellaisessa cossis jossa on huono tasapaino. Mutta siitä lisää myöhemmin. ^^
(1 Reply)
ImYourHero213 Featured By Owner May 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

(And I hope you enjoy my future reader-inserts.) Little Pixel Heart 
Agina Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014
Kiitos paljon watchista! :3 Mielenkiintoinen journalipäivitys, itsekin mietin joitain samoja asioita. Koskaan ei tietenkään tunne olevansa itse mistään kotoisin, aina on semmoinen pikku perfektionisti valittamassa pään sisällä omasta surkeudesta. Voi se olla oikeassakin, mutta toisaalta on kiva tehdä asioita omista epäilyksistä huolimatta. :> Ei pitäs vaan vaatii liikoja kerrolla. Sitä kehittyy aikanaan kun vaan tekee. 
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